The Melancholy of Lucas

In Malaysia, there is a small area, small house and the guy who lives in named Lucas.

His life is simple, the first this he woke up in the morning is to wash his face and brush his teeth, after that he will change his clothes and prepare the stuff he need to use in the college later on. He'll just ignore his breakfast and straight away go out of the house and head to the train station.

He will pass through a small passage... then golf field... then a mall, through an underground subway and across some shop lots to reach the komuter station.

Sunday June 27th: Things happened before this

before today:

it was my birthday on June 17th but my friend celebrate it before it which is 3days before if im not mistaken. thx guys...

i failed my dessert for the very 1st time.

My heart is weird, is unusual. It hurts sometimes, it stuck sometimes. What happened to it? i don't know and i refuse to go for a medical check up also. Let it be...

when i started to say a lot of things, that means i wanted or wish to have or achieve something.

Being alone is actually no fun, when people say its good they are actually acting to be strong...

Who wants to be alone anyway...

when i started to be emo, i'm actually thinking of many things which is hard for me to decide.

what a mess...

i don't need care but i want care. i have enough of care from my family, friends... but i want from YOU as well... whoever you are... (my future gf or wife if i have one)

Gemini, human that have many kinds of emotion and character at the same time.

Other people will confuse or cant get what are they actually thinking or what they actually are.

This is because having a multiple emotion and character at the same time might confuse the person itself as well...

Anyway... i know what am i doing, i just don't know what can i do with my heart and feeling...

These days

Holidays... ahhh!!

It's boring for me...
not much to do, nothing to do...
insufficient of money but doesn't feel like working,

got to relax myself to the fullest because the next semester i am facing will be kinda tough...

Watched Prince of Persia on May 29th 2010
not really amazing... i'm just there to kill my time

Found a twin of mine,
happy about it...
I'm seriously happy about it. =)

because i'm lucky enough to find the one who shared the same B'day with me.
[ There are no you, me, him, her. There is only us and we. =) ]

Kind of confessed to a girl back there,

but it seems like i scared her,
she don't reply me message no more,

is like a total ignore.

feel sorry for myself.

down for a day.

anyway...

whatever happens, the show must go on.
i shall move to the next chapter of my life.

Nightblade

I know what happened to me

what am i emo about for these days...

im just worried,

worried that someone will come faster than me to pick her up.

that is what i'm worried about....

i wanna thank a friend for leading me back to my main point by just only one word...

Relaxx...

haha... i will... thank you.

You're Beautiful, but i'll never be with you =(

This song just bring out the situation i am in...

I just want to show my feelings of mine...

[My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.]

"i love fireworks a lot, sometime i'm thinking of going near to it, but once i go near, i'll get burn for sure... =("

I'm falling for you

i am attracted by a girl's smile...

her smile is irresistible...

it's just cute enough to melt my heart,

i won't say who is she,

keeping it as a secret would be fine enough for me.

i'm waiting for her to online everyday,

i sat in front of the screen with my books,

because i am waiting for her...

i waited and waited and waited,

just to hope that she is online and have a small chat with her.

is just this easy...

i didn't hope for much... =)

i love you

Regret?

Having a presentation this morning,
so i'm going to college a little bit late because it start at 12pm.

but i reached the train station a bit early because i thought of something,
will i meet her again?
the one who is in my arms before...

still, i am listening to the song "two is better than one",
repeat and repeat...
and the memories back then keep recall and recall...

Suddenly i'm thinking,
is it good for me to get her back?
is it the best choice for me to do so?
I felt a bit of sour and regret,
i regret because my pride has made me blind...

thinking of how happy she is,
thinking of how satisfy she is,
one of my friend told me:

"you don't expect anything from her, because she is trying the best to do the best for you. Our expectation level are not the same, so please don't hope or expect anything from your other half."

after all this time,
i finally get what is he trying to say,
because i am in the situation where i need to thought of it.

after a small struggle in myself,
my answer for myself is a no.
reasons? heh...
i am not suitable to have a partner for the rest of my life...
because most of my time are used for working.

the main problem is me,
i suck to be a boyfriend,
i suck at taking care of the others...
well...
Mr. Pride, i am going to take you as my partner from now on,
because i am forced to...

Competing with the others,
challenging the others,
keep improving,
is endless...